Holding On
by LordSakura
Summary: Shion kept his innocent facade long after he lost it in fear of what would happen had he changed. When desires naw at him, he let's go of it. Shion x Nezumi yaoi. AU Where Shion's scars react to touching, and he's sensitive about it.
1. Chapter 1

Shion sighed as he felt Nezumi move against him. His back was hot as it rubbed up against his friends. He's too restless.. Shion complained inside his mind as he turned to him.

"Nezumi..? Are you awake?" The white haired boy placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it gently. "Nezu.." He watched as his eyes moved under his eyelids frantically, and his breathing quickened.

A nightmare...? Shion shook him harder. "Nezumi, wake up." Said the smaller boy, turning the bigger one onto his back. His eyes shot open quickly as he started panting, not bothering to say a word before kicking Shion off the bed with a terrified face.

He hit the table and landed on the floor with a loud thump, holding his back in pain. "Agh!" Nezumi sat up and rubbed his head.

"What- Shion? Did I kick you?" He asked, rubbing the sweat from his forehead as he tried to pretend he hadn't just spazzed out on him.

"I'm fine.." He told the dark haired man, even though he didn't ask. Shion winched as he rubbed his back. "Ite...I think I have a bruise.." He stated, then stood up.

"Sorry." Nezumi stood up, hesitating to lift up his shirt because he knew that the pink scars were a sensitive subject for him. Shion looked back at him. "..it's ok.." He assured him.

Nezumi looked back and lifted his shirt up. "There's a bruise." He stated plainly as he traced his fingers over the bruise, gently running his fingers over the pink scars that stood out like blood on white sheets. Shion flinched and made a small noise.

"Is something wrong?" Nezumi asked, moving his hand away from the now vulnerable spot. Shion shook his head.

"I-It's nothing." He said, stuttering. "I've just noticed that it feels weird to touch it..." Nezumi nodded slowly as he finally got a good look at the strange lines that Shion felt so ashamed about.

"What kind of weird?" He asked, having to control himself from rubbing the strange marking just to see what kind of reaction he would make.

Shion didn't answer him as he pulled his shirt back down. "It's nothing." He told him, though he knew he was lying. He was never very good at it. "Were you having a nightmare?"

Nezumi watched his eyes, deciding not to answer the question like he did most of the time.

"That's why you kicked me off of the bed right?"

Nezumi hesitated. There wasn't supposed to be any lying so if he didn't say anything at all, he wouldn't technically be... He found himself staring straight into Shion's crimson eyes again. Tch.. "It was about that correctional facility we destroyed." He told him quickly.

"Really? I didn't think you'd be scared of-"

"I'm not!" Nezumi cut him off, remembering how Shion's eyes had gone dead as he shot that guard mercilessly in the head. "It-it wasn't that."

Worried, Shion stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" The taller boy, jumped, but relaxed as he saw the light still in Shion's eyes.

"I'm fine.." He said quietly, grabbing his coat and putting it on fast before heading to the door. "I'm going for a walk, don't follow me."

Shion grabbed onto his shoulder, pulling him back to look his partner in the eyes. "You've been weird recently. Can't you tell me what's going on?" Nezumi jerked his shoulder back.

"You don't have to worry about me, I can worry about myself." Nezumi stated coldly, though he knew inside that he wanted his attention more than anyone else's. Shion looked sadly at him and put his hand back down to his side.

"I-I'll make something special for when you come back," The crimson eyed boy tried to smile, though it just ended up looking sad. "Don't stay out too long."

Nezumi examined his face. Trying to find any trace of the apathetic boy he had known; no, not known. Seen in the facility. "Nezumi?" He rubbed his forehead and quickly walked out of the room and outside.

After the last kiss they shared together. After Nezumi had left, knowing he would see his friend..companion, again, he had started having that dream every once and a while. The horrible, daunting image of Shion spraying the floor, his own clothes, in another human beings blood. Those eyes would turn to him. The scared, pathetic, sobbing rat that sat there on the floor. Only being able to watch as his friend added to his kill count one bullet at a time.

Nezumi grabbed his head as the memories ran around inside his mind. He had killed so many people. And for someone like me? "_How dare you! How dare you shoot rat?!"_ Nezumi recalled the words Shion had blurted out in the face of his victim. His innocence had been ruined. The mind that saw more than black and white. The person that wouldn't settle for anything that wouldn't benefit the world.

_"We'll destroy the wall!"_ He shouted. _"There won't be anything separating them and everyone here."_ Nezumi laughed lightly as he sat down on a rock overlooking this rotten place. Reality. Nezumi thought it was a stupid plan, and he still did. But Shion had actually done it.

He breathed in the air as a strong wind blew the leaves into the sky. It seemed fresher for some reason. He could never find out why he thought that way though. "Shion.." He whispered his name lightly, laying down and closing his eyes. "For me, huh?"

The first thing the grey haired boy awoke to was the bright lights from the dark sky. He looked around. It's night time. Shion's probably worried. Nezumi stood up and stretched, letting out a big yawn as he walked down the stairs to their room. "I'm back, Shio-"

Shion stood in front of the mirror with scared eyes. He had only briefs on as his hand wandered around his back, twitching as fingers ran across the pink scars. "Shion.." The smaller boy turned to him as he heard his voice, falling onto the floor.

"D-Don't look at me! Stay away, I'm hideous!" Shion looked much skinnier than the last time he saw him like that, the pink scars had grown longer, covering at least half of his body now.

"Shion, you're not hideous." Nezumi told him as he walked closer to the terrified boy. He covered his face with his hands as he trembled violently, trying to scoot back. "Shion."

Nezumi confirmed that he had never seen Shion in such a state. He was shaking, and the look he gave him was foreign, as if he didn't know the person who was standing in front of him. "J-Just let me-" he couldn't finish his sentence before he was pinned to the ground by stronger arms.

"Shut up, Shion! Be quiet!" He shouted at him. He hated seeing him scared, he just wanted the hell they were in to end. "You're not hideous!" The smaller boy flinched under him as tears streamed down his cheeks. His breath came in short gasps as he finally realized who he was looking at.

"N-Nezumi..!" He shouted, trying the push the bigger man off of him. "You can't..see me like this! I'm filthy!" He looked to the side. Tears began to make a small puddle on the floor.

"Idiot! I'm the only one who can see you like this!"

The white haired boy stopped struggling when he heard those words. "Only one.." Shion had a faraway look in his eyes. "But.."

"Do you understand?" Nezumi asked him.

Shion nodded slowly.

"Good." Nezumi examined him, holding his wrists above the boys head "What happened? The scar is covering more of your body." Shion looked away still, answering his question quietly. "I have a hypothesis...but I can't think about that right now.."

Nezumi ran a hand over his scar. Shion twitched, clenching his eyes shut again.  
"Nezumi, I'm tired." He said wearily. "I don't want to do this today." Nezumi knew he was lying again.

"Liar, I can tell if someone's tired or not." He told him. Shion was definitely keeping something from him. "You keep flinching when I touch your scar. Why is that?" Shion closed his eyes, then opened them slowly.

"I-I can't tell you why." He said, making eye contact with Nezumi.

"Why not?" He asked, getting irritated.

Shion wriggled his wrists. "Nezumi..I just can't." Nezumi hesitated, then let go of his wrists and got off of him.

"Fine." He crossed his arms and watched as the shaky white headed boy stood up. "But, I want dessert. Now."

Shion looked at him surprised for a moment, then smiled. "Of course, I already made cherry cake." Nezumi looked over to the table. He had only just noticed them, cutely arranged on the plate.

He made him dessert. Again. Nezumi was about to break down. He was always thinking about him. "Don't forget your coat, Nezumi. It's colder now." Memories replayed in his head. Shion always payed attention to him, but he had just discarded it as a nuisance. "Nezumi, I made soup again..sorry, we didn't have anything else."

"Nezumi?" Shion's voice snapped him back to the present. He turned to the now dressed boy, Hamlet on his shoulder. He quickly picked up a cherry cake and took a bite.

"It's good, Shion." He said, chewing the food slowly to enjoy the taste. Shion smiled brightly.

"Thanks."

* * *

**Im not sure if I should be posting another story right now, but I finished No.6 recently and I just had to. Forgive me for any errors, I haven't looked over it properly.**

**Thank you!**

**P.S. I most definitely am finishing this story! Writing the second chapter right now, but school just started.**


	2. Chapter 2

Nezumi glanced over to Shion from the couch he was laying on. Shion convinced him to let him take the bed because of how sore he was. He sighed and stood up, walking over to the bed. He trusted Shion. He really did. But he wanted to find out what was wrong with him himself.

Should he really do this though?

Nezumi stood over the sleeping form. He was breathing heavily on his side, though he didn't seem to be having a nightmare like him. "Shion?" He asked to see if he was awake. When no answer came, he figured he was safe.

Nezumi slowly pulled up his shirt for the second time that day. The scars had changed back to their original state. He let out a sigh of relief. Did they only do that when something triggered it? Nezumi looked over him again. Sweat was running down his face, and his fingers were twitching.

He made small noises, muttering Nezumi's name as if he knew he was watching him.

"Shion..?"

Shion turned on his back. "Don't...t-touch..." He furrowed his eyebrows together as another soft noise escaped his lips.

Don't touch..? Nezumi's face grew red as he put together the words. What..what was I touching? He covered his face with his hand. No no no. He must mean something different...completely different from what I'm thinking.

Nezumi watched as the scars grew again, wrapping themselves around the small torso of their victim. What was causing this?

"Ah!" Shion arched his back and opened his eyes, looking around quickly. "Nezumi..!" He looked at him, and then down at his shirt. "What.." He pulled it down and back away against the wall. "What are you doing..?"

"You weren't sleeping good, so I was just checking on you." Nezumi lied. Shion looked over him. During his time back with Nezumi, he had studied up on quite a lot of stuff. That weird feeling you get in your stomach, your heart racing when you're near someone. That was attraction, affection. Love.

Sometimes it escalated into more. This was lust. Shion couldn't explain it well, but the look Nezumi had in his eyes was surely that, if only a little. Shion felt this sometimes too. When he touched the markings that wove around his now petite body, something pulsed inside him. It was taking a lot of his control not to go to Nezumi with his problem, but he usually decided with fixing it himself when Nezumi went out for work.

Shion looked down at the scars that resided on his legs, and only just then did he remember the dream he was having. Yeah, it was the sweet relief that wouldn't be possible in reality. He could ask Nezumi to satisfy the desires that were driving him crazy, insane, but...their current relationship and the things he needed couldn't co-exist.

He always kept on the air-headed facade in fear of what would happen if he did grow smarter, more knowledgable of life outside No.6. What would happen if they became equals? Would Nezumi lose interest in him and leave? Shion didn't know what would happen, but he never wanted to find out. Even if that meant sacrificing possible happiness.

But how long could he do it?

He was close to breaking.

He needed him so bad that he dreamt about it constantly.

The feeling of calloused hands running down his body that only existed in his mind.

He'd hold on for as long as possible.

"I-I'm fine." Shion said, trying to keep his feet from sliding on the bed. He looked away and down at the dirty mattress he had tried to clean so many times. His eyes roamed over to the spot of blood that spilled out of his neck. When Nezumi had cut the larva out, saving his life.

It was hard to count the number of times they saved each others lives. It was like an endless loop that Shion wanted to keep going on for the rest of their life together.

"You're not okay." Nezumi fixed him with a stern gaze again. The one that Shion always loved, knowing he cared for him. "Your markings grew again."

Shion looked down, avoiding eye contact. He felt guilty about lying to him. They said they wouldn't lie to each other, but is that honestly possible?

"Let me see them again." Nezumi ordered, climbing onto the bed and sitting on his knees in front of Shion. Shion didn't like showing them..but, Nezumi said he was the only one allowed to see. He knew he wouldn't judge him, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Nezumi.." Shion looked at him, not seeing any chance of him changing his mind.

"Take your shirt off." Nezumi watched him intently. He could feel his stormy grey eyes look over his whole body. His hesitation was getting him nowhere. Giving in, he crossed his arms over each other, pulling his shirt up from the bottom and over his head.

When did he start feeling ashamed about this?

Shion hugged his own shoulders, as if to shield himself from any harsh words Nezumi would spit out at him. Like venom.

"Have you been hiding this from me?" A stern voice echoed in the small room they shared underneath the earth. Oh, how much Shion wished air flew through here. He was loosing his breath.

The silence only irritated the bigger man further. "You have haven't you? Why don't you tell me this stuff!?" Shion flinched as he yelled. He had never been scared of him before, so why now? What was happening?

"I-I'm sorry." He looked down, away from the angered gaze Nezumi was giving him. "I didn't want to bother you.." Nezumi scoffed and crossed his arms.

"That's not it is it?" He asked, even though he knew fully well that he was right. Shion nodded his head slowly. He was always so observant, being able to read Shion like an open book.

"What's the real reason?"

Shion remained silent.

A loud sigh could be heard. "Turn around then." He ordered yet again. Shion didn't want anymore shouting, so he did as Nezumi said. He turned around and sat on his knees, still in a hunched position as he hung his head.

Rough fingers traced over his back, gently running over the marks. Shion managed to contain everything within him as he did so. The gasps and sounds of pleasure he wanted to let out so bad were kept inside, as he had done so many times before.

The only thing that gave it away was the slight flinching. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get rid of that.

"You're holding in those noises." Nezumi stated. Shion shook his head fast. He couldn't help it anymore. If Nezumi did anything else to him, he was definitely going to let out the sounds he kept inside.

Just then, Shion felt arms wrap around his torso and pull him back. His back was pressed against Nezumi's chest. The soft breathing of his was soothing. "Nezumi..?" Soft hair brushed against his back as he lied his head on him. Shion turned his head to him.

"Tell me what's going on." He said in his usual tone. What he was doing wasn't like him at all. Shion directed his eyes back to the bed sheets under him.

"T-They grow when I'm sexually aroused.." Shion said quietly. It was so much more embarrassing when he said it out loud like that. He was scared, trembling lightly as his eyes watered. Silence only came. "Nezumi..?"

"O-Oh." Nezumi let out. That was it? That was all he was going to say about it? Shion sighed. Wasn't it a big deal to him?

"C-Can you please let go of- Ahh!" Shion leaned his head back and moaned loudly. He felt a tongue against his back, licking mercilessly at the pink trail that wove around his body.  
"N-Nezumi! What are you doing?!"

Nezumi pushed him down on the bed, face first. "You know how hard it is to hold myself back when I see you like this?! It doesn't help that these things grow when you're horny!" Shion tried to look back at him, but he couldn't from his current position.

"Y-You really feel that way..?" Shion asked slowly. A long silence came before the taller man finally answered.

"Yes..I do.." He paused. "I..love you, Shion."

Hearing those words, Shion let go of his past self. There was no need to hide who he was anymore. He wanted Nezumi to see all of him, know about all of the stuff he learned since being outside of the walls. Their relationship was too complicated for 'I love you' and 'Stay with me'. But Shion could handle that, as long as they could be together.

Shion laughed lightly.

"I love you too..I think."

* * *

**Sorry guys! School started recently, and I like to write in the middle of the night, but I can't really do that since I have to wake up early. Thanks for waiting! There will be more chapters! **


	3. Chapter 3

_"I love you too.."_ The words echoed in Nezumi's head. He couldn't believe he lost his composure like that. It was a pathetic display of weakness he didn't want anyone to see.

Anyone but Shion..?

The bigger man shook his head, pretending to be invested in 'Romeo and Juliet' as Shion walked in the space they shared.

"I'm back, Nezumi." His soft voice called out to him. Nezumi looked up from his book, he was wet, water soaking through the white shirt that was usually under his sweater. He gulped. It had been hard enough to hold himself back since that night, and Shion's obliviousness wasn't helping at all.

"Washing the dogs again?" He asked. "Dog keeper doesn't deserve the kindness you're giving her." He looked back down at the book, trying not to think about the crude activities that were playing in his head.

"Don't say that." He scolded lightly. "She gives me hospitality every time I go over." The white haired boy pulled the shirt off and tossed it on top of Nezumi's head. "Look at me when I'm talking." Nezumi scoffed and grabbed hold of the shirt, pulling it off.

"Smells like wet dog-"

He was silenced when he saw Shion.

Seeming to realize what he was doing, Shion turned around, blushing slightly. Nezumi looked back down at the book, yet again swallowing spit. "Go get dressed." The smaller one said nothing back, putting on dry clothes that were laid on the bed.

He slipped a red t-shirt over his head, then slowly started unbuttoning the pants that were soaking wet from washing the dogs. Shion kicked them to the side. Nezumi watched silently, his eyes darting back to the book every time it looked like Shion was going to turn his head Nezumi's way.

He couldn't take it anymore. A delicious treat was right in front of him, and he didn't have the right to eat it.

Just as Shion was about to pull his briefs down, Nezumi called him over. "Shion, come here." The smaller boy turned to him.

"What?" He asked, pulling his briefs back up now that he knew Nezumi was watching.

"Just come here." He ordered again. Shion complied and walked over, only to be pulled on Nezumi's lap.

"N-Nezumi?! What are you doing?!" Shion struggled to get up, though stronger arms wrapped themselves around his back.

"The fact that you're stuttering means you know exactly what I'm doing." He spoke casually, looking into Shion's eyes. Those eyes that looked like a beautiful rose, yet pools of blood at the same time. Shion looked back.

"U-Um..I need to change, so-" He couldn't finished his sentence before lips were pressed against his, rough, scratchy, but gentle. Shion reared back at first, but slowly kissed him back, closing his eyes slightly. It wasn't like the other kisses they shared. It was full of want and lust.

He opened his mouth slightly, wanting to taste Nezumi more. He was answered quickly as a wet, foreign muscle was slid in his mouth. Nezumi explored his mouth, tasting every part he could. He had wanted this for so long, but he held himself back.

Shion let out quiet sounds of pleasure as Nezumi's tongue ran against his hungrily. He rocked his hips, trying to get any sort of friction to rub his member. They pulled back for a breath, and both looked into each other's eyes.

Nezumi was composed, as usual. A slight smile showed on his face as he looked at the blushing Shion. "You're responding." He started. "Do you know what's happening?" He asked. Shion looked away.

"Yeah, of course I do." He spoke quietly. "We've kissed before, I know what you want." Nezumi reached his hand to the side of Shion's face, and brushed the bright scar lightly with his thumb. The smaller boy let out a breath of air as the scars grew once again.

Shion looked at Nezumi, tears at the corners of his eyes. He bit his bottom lip. "Nezumi..stop looking.." The attempts at pushing him away were pointless. Nezumi just held tighter, lightly kissing the scars that drove the other to tears. Or was it him?

Shion rested his head on Nezumi's shoulder, panting. Saliva dripped out of the side of his mouth. "N-Nezumi.." If felt amazing when he touched him. He wanted more. "More." He ran his hand through Nezumi's hair, pulling the hair tie out as he harshly pulled his head back.

Nezumi gasped. "Sh-Shion..? What're you doing..?" His question was ignored. He tried to look at Shion, but it wasn't possible from his position. He felt wet against his neck, and realized Shion was licking him.

"I want you." He said clearly, beginning to run a hand up Nezumi's shirt. "So long.." He spoke quieter. He looked up, and their eyes met. Nezumi went cold. His eyes were glazed over.

They showed no emotion.

Like a doll.

It was the same Shion in his nightmares. The ruthless one. The killing one.

"Sh-Shion..?"


End file.
